“I am so sorry that you have to deal with our messy children at dinner.” “Are you sure you wanna come have dinner with a bunch of retirees?” “I am sure you don’t want to spend your Friday night at a middle school soccer game.”
As a childless unmarried adult in the church, I often hear apologies from well-meaning people who assume that their lives must be a nuisance to my unencumbered self. The truth is that what they have is exactly what I need. And I am not the only one.
Years ago I saw a video of a stereotypical American family going on vacation: husband at the wheel, wife in the passenger seat, and children in the back of what looked like a small SUV. But there was another person in the backseat: an adult man named Will. Though sound asleep, Will was the subject of the video: “Will is my husband’s best friend” the woman explained, “he is single, so we often bring him on family vacations: he plays with the kids, drinks with John (the husband), and sleeps in the back. Every family needs a Will.” And every Will needs a family.
As Americans become increasingly mobile, young adults are more likely to live far from their families of origin. Many of us don’t get to see our siblings, cousins, parents, and grandparents more than once a year. Moving away for college or work leads to a kind of isolation that no concert night or young professionals’ group can heal. We long for family.
Some long for our families of origin. Some long to form families of our own. Underneath all that is a desire to experience the messy intergenerational exchanges that can seem so trivial to those who have it. As strange as it may sound, you may have the very thing that young people in the church are looking for.
We are tired of spaces that are tailor-made to suit our unique needs: singles’ group where we’ll awkwardly sit around a circle trying to figure out if the person next to us is a potential partner, a future friend, or shall remain a stranger forever. We want places to take off our shoes and our masks, to let down our hair and our guards, to know and be known by the people of God.
We want to sit down in a living room that has more than a couch and a TV—we long for places that are teeming with the sound of children playing or filled with framed pictures full of history. We want an alternative to the post-church fast-food pickup—and we are willing to help, but maybe start with dessert, some of us are still learning. We want to be forced to stop scrolling social media because someone needs us to help them build a puzzle or watch them ride a bike.
Young adults long for family and there is no better place to find it than within the community of brothers and sisters of Jesus Christ.